trying to keep shining

‎"Why are we scared to die? Do any of us remember being scared when we were born?"- Trevor Kay

Oh Rodney. I so wish I got to talk to you one more time before you left us. It's been a week now and it's still not any easier. I know you've been in so much pain the last few months. The last time we talked I promised that Becca and I would see you one more time soon. Time just flew by too fast too late. I'm sorry for that.

Remember when we first met at that Albanian restaurant? They gave Becca a dish that was filled with raw onions so she and I traded so she can actually eat something. After eating the onion filled dish I HAD to get a dessert cuz all I could taste was onions. That lasted until the next day. Yuck!

Remember when we went to that Italian restaurant with Becca and Mary and there was a table by us that was so stinking loud we had to complain to the manager on duty? But then we got really loud at Cafe Orchid a few days later and had some people come up to us to say something.

Remember when we went to to Gogol Bordello concert? You got all that awesome footage with your camera. I got lost in the miasma of the mosh pit.

Remember when you were there for me when my aunt was just getting sicker and sicker from her cancer? You were so awesome to help me thru that. She still sick and will probably not get any better, but she's still keeping the faith that she could be cured and is still living life to the fullest. Just like you did til it got too painful.

Namaste good Rodney. You are missed, but never forgotten.

Missing people

"Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard his call,
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I've found that peace at the end of the day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things too I will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My Life's been full, I savoured much,
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free."


-Author unknown


This has been a year of lots of sadness for me. I feel as if I've experienced enough illnesses and death that should have lasted at least a decade. Cancer has been the worst of it all. I have friends and family that all have been affected by some kind of cancer. October being breast cancer awareness month, all I can think of is my two aunts; one from my mom's side and one from my dad's side. One aunt is still fighting for her life because cancer just can't seem to let her go. The other aunt is attempting to live her life to the fullest despite the change in her body. I'm currently living with one of my bestest friends that is suffering from complications of colon cancer. My grandmother is being tested for possible pancreatic or liver cancer as we speak. I lost a wonderful great aunt in the Philippines to pancreatic cancer. My cousin's wife Aive lost her beautiful cousin Vicki to leukemia. My cousin Vivien lost her best friend Celia to lung cancer. All of this has happened or is happening this year. All I can think of right now is when will it end? I need to get out of this saddening slump. I don't want to lose sleep or wake up feeling so sad anymore.