diet....shmiet....

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks." - Totie Fields


So last week was supposed to be my start of a new way of eating, exercising, and living. Yeah, that so didn't happen. Not that the whole week was me eating that badly.....ok I take that back. Eating homemade cream cheese frosting in the morning before going to work is not a healthy breakfast. Nor is eating cookies for lunch cuz there wasn't anything for me to make the night before except cookies. Nor is having my boyfriend go back to my house to grab my running shoes and to not run at all. I don't even remember drinking water last week. I think I've been drinking sodas, hot chocolates, and juices. No wonder I'm feeling so gross!

You see, I'm currently staying at my friend, J's house while he's gone on a month or more long trip around the country. He's left me in charge to walk his dog and feed the cat. Well, I gotta feed the dog too. And to just keep things in order while he's gone. His place is closer to work and I'll have the place to myself so I can pretty much do whatever, except throw lavish or intense parties. So I figured that this would be a chance for me to get started with the whole overhaul of eating habits and make some life style changes. Of course, it didn't happen that way.

The only excuse I can give myself is that I got waylaid. I did not get lazy, but I did get frustrated. Since I've been staying at J's house I never expected him to stock the fridge and cupboards with food. As granola and health fanatic that J is (he's got a juicer, several juicing books, fresh herbed teas, flaxseed and all these vitamins) he really left me in a slight bind. He left me with turkey burgers, but no bread. He left me with 2 things of frozen salmon, but no rice. I know this sounds like I'm making excuses and I could easily just buy the extra ingredients, but ever since my job change I've been experiencing lack of funds. I've been playing catch up with my bills and stuff since I started the new job in July. Now that I'm finally caught up and can rest easy with the next paycheck, I dont' exactly paid til this coming Friday. Again, it's all excuses, I know. But it's still frustrating regardless when I can't think of a solution right away. Even tho I grabbed food and other stuff from my place I still didn't have enough to do much of anything except bake.

I've also been hitting an emotional roller coaster of sorts. Good friends passing away as of late. Friends and family just facing tough decisions all around. It really sucks. I'm having a hard time coping with it all. Food has been a little bit of comfort, but I will honestly say that, besides the frosting binge, I have not lost complete control of my eating habits. When I bake, I share. I share to a point where my coworkers need to go on diets cuz I keep on feeding them.

So, here's to a new clean slate. Here's to another start. This time I'm going to stick with it. I've got to do the baby steps right now, but I am going to get there. And once I start there's really no stopping me except myself.

feeling fatty

"Stressed? Spell it backwards for the cure. (DESSERTS)" - unknown

Aren't there days where a girl just feels so damn fat? I mean, my clothes fit, but I don't think they fit right. I'm too super cheap to go buy clothes that do fit only cuz I keep on telling myself that I'm going to lose weight anyway. I've bought journals to track my progress, but I keep on putting it off for tomorrow, next week, or whenever stressful events die down. I just can't seem to concentrate on the goal here which is to lose weight and feel great! Do people actually believe that quote? I sure don't. I remember years ago when I did try to lose the weight I just kept on getting tired and sore. I never got that joyous, "oooooh I love that burning feeling!" in my muscles. Maybe I wasn't doing it right. I don't know. All I know is that right now I don't like what I see in the mirror and I want to change it. 

Let's face it, folks. I like food and I love to eat. I love to cook and bake and feed people. It's a great feeling to know when someone's tummy is full and happy. Shoot, I have a food blog called, Happiness Curve, for pete's sake. So now I'm in the process of cooking better for me and my loved ones. I'm slowly starting to cook and bake more healthier by switching to fresher ingredients. I'm shopping in those "granola" stores Farmers Markets more. I've even cut down on the coffee and soft drinks. I'm drinking more water and actually making my own drinks like lemonades, limeades, and will soon attempt juicing. I just don't like the clean up after the juicing. Don't get me wrong tho. I still indulge on the occasional gelato for breakfast and eat the cookie dough while I'm baking it. But I truly believe in balance so when I do those things I eat a heartier salad or become vegetarian for the rest of the week.

I started this year at 172 pounds. I am now at 160. I pretty much have the food down, but now I have to work on the exercise part. I'm fairly active. I mean, I love walking Becca's dog Simon. He's a great dog to run with, or in my case, to run for about a minute and walk fast the rest of the way. When I house sit for my friend Jonah I walk his dog Soco. I sometimes go into a forest preserve to take a long walk and I'm trying to be more proactive with going hiking more often. I dance around in my messy bedroom and kitchen when no one's looking to a point where I have to mop the floor from sweating. But I still can't seem to get rid of the blubberyness of my belly, the jiggle in my thighs and arms, and my awkward double chin to my chubby round face. I can't afford to pay to go to a gym. I don't even know if I would totally commit myself to going to a gym even if I was paying for it.

So now I decided to track my prgress through this blog. I'll still keep up with my food blog cuz I still love love love food, but I need to keep focused on myself and try to figure out why is it so hard to work out. Who knows? Maybe this will help someone else too.

trying to keep shining

‎"Why are we scared to die? Do any of us remember being scared when we were born?"- Trevor Kay

Oh Rodney. I so wish I got to talk to you one more time before you left us. It's been a week now and it's still not any easier. I know you've been in so much pain the last few months. The last time we talked I promised that Becca and I would see you one more time soon. Time just flew by too fast too late. I'm sorry for that.

Remember when we first met at that Albanian restaurant? They gave Becca a dish that was filled with raw onions so she and I traded so she can actually eat something. After eating the onion filled dish I HAD to get a dessert cuz all I could taste was onions. That lasted until the next day. Yuck!

Remember when we went to that Italian restaurant with Becca and Mary and there was a table by us that was so stinking loud we had to complain to the manager on duty? But then we got really loud at Cafe Orchid a few days later and had some people come up to us to say something.

Remember when we went to to Gogol Bordello concert? You got all that awesome footage with your camera. I got lost in the miasma of the mosh pit.

Remember when you were there for me when my aunt was just getting sicker and sicker from her cancer? You were so awesome to help me thru that. She still sick and will probably not get any better, but she's still keeping the faith that she could be cured and is still living life to the fullest. Just like you did til it got too painful.

Namaste good Rodney. You are missed, but never forgotten.