feeling fatty

"Stressed? Spell it backwards for the cure. (DESSERTS)" - unknown

Aren't there days where a girl just feels so damn fat? I mean, my clothes fit, but I don't think they fit right. I'm too super cheap to go buy clothes that do fit only cuz I keep on telling myself that I'm going to lose weight anyway. I've bought journals to track my progress, but I keep on putting it off for tomorrow, next week, or whenever stressful events die down. I just can't seem to concentrate on the goal here which is to lose weight and feel great! Do people actually believe that quote? I sure don't. I remember years ago when I did try to lose the weight I just kept on getting tired and sore. I never got that joyous, "oooooh I love that burning feeling!" in my muscles. Maybe I wasn't doing it right. I don't know. All I know is that right now I don't like what I see in the mirror and I want to change it. 

Let's face it, folks. I like food and I love to eat. I love to cook and bake and feed people. It's a great feeling to know when someone's tummy is full and happy. Shoot, I have a food blog called, Happiness Curve, for pete's sake. So now I'm in the process of cooking better for me and my loved ones. I'm slowly starting to cook and bake more healthier by switching to fresher ingredients. I'm shopping in those "granola" stores Farmers Markets more. I've even cut down on the coffee and soft drinks. I'm drinking more water and actually making my own drinks like lemonades, limeades, and will soon attempt juicing. I just don't like the clean up after the juicing. Don't get me wrong tho. I still indulge on the occasional gelato for breakfast and eat the cookie dough while I'm baking it. But I truly believe in balance so when I do those things I eat a heartier salad or become vegetarian for the rest of the week.

I started this year at 172 pounds. I am now at 160. I pretty much have the food down, but now I have to work on the exercise part. I'm fairly active. I mean, I love walking Becca's dog Simon. He's a great dog to run with, or in my case, to run for about a minute and walk fast the rest of the way. When I house sit for my friend Jonah I walk his dog Soco. I sometimes go into a forest preserve to take a long walk and I'm trying to be more proactive with going hiking more often. I dance around in my messy bedroom and kitchen when no one's looking to a point where I have to mop the floor from sweating. But I still can't seem to get rid of the blubberyness of my belly, the jiggle in my thighs and arms, and my awkward double chin to my chubby round face. I can't afford to pay to go to a gym. I don't even know if I would totally commit myself to going to a gym even if I was paying for it.

So now I decided to track my prgress through this blog. I'll still keep up with my food blog cuz I still love love love food, but I need to keep focused on myself and try to figure out why is it so hard to work out. Who knows? Maybe this will help someone else too.